8/100 Declutter & Decipher

The Going Mary

Last night, I actually felt like studying. This morning, I actually wanted to get up on the first ring of the alarm. The will beat the exhaustion this time.

Every three days, I have to remind myself why I am in this city, this country, studying what I am studying. I keep forgetting, then remembering and reaffirming. The pressure is real, having escaped the wings of my parents.

Every fairy tale or Korean drama goes like this: once a upon a time…and then they lived happily ever after. Earlier yesterday, there was a guy walking out of the theater with a 1/5 star review on “adulting” and “ definitely would not recommend” written on this T-shirt.

An important part of adulthood is the attitude in approaching a goal, or a dream. As a kid, you can dream about anything, but adulting teaches you how difficult it can be. Every turn of the page in the life story throws unexpected hardships.

While eating ice cream, I spoke of my childhood dream. Building my own world where people are not valued by their worth in money, but having a currency based on worth of mankind in general. How they help others, how hard they work based on what they have, whether or not they have hurt another..etc

I talked about my childhood dream and said that it was “childish.” Giving up this dream, however, proves that it’s impossible and that I grew up to be the character I did not want to become. When I realized that I contradicted myself, I gave an uneasy grin as I realized I had contradicted myself.
You know how you smile on the inside when you’re crying?
Yeah, it was that vapid “I’m fine, thanks” smile.

“I sound like a little kid.” Yes, reality and life constantly tells you to cut out your dreams. Even keeping the dream alive, let alone accomplishing it, needs a great deal of courage and effort. It’s hard to be a kid in an adult world; the adults have built out an universe for themselves and wield far too much power. The reality we see and experience has been formed by our fear.
Maybe if we were half as brave as the children, the world we live in would change.

Don’t blame the world or situation as an excuse to give up. Find enough people who have given it their all, and still go on after falling. Build your circle of support and grow. Negativity will only attract negativity. One sincere hand is all you need to keep going after falling. Even when the entire world ignores and walks by, it just takes one hand to know, that the dream is still out there.

Preparation takes going beyond the given, even when there are many risks and doubts. It takes giving up everything and building the ark during a drought.

Think of it as a long treasure hunt. You know that it’s out there, just have to find it. Discover the adventure in the mundane work. Maybe you were just so hurt and lost when you had to accept giving up.

So why am I learning? To improve my skills to achieve my dream. Perhaps it will take more than a lifetime. Maybe there is not enough time or resources, not just in this moment. Have to find my crew and keep sailing. The dream is yet to be achieved, but you know that it’s real. It’s out there. Decipher the map.

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