6/100 Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

6:30 AM alarm. Hit snooze. 6:45. Eh, I have no excuse. Went to bed at 10.

Turned on the Keurig. It’s cold today. The cold bathroom floor seeping through bare feet and shorts. .. drizzle some Starbucks creamer. A morning joy.

I feel like eating a snack, but….It’s gym time. AirPods in, mask on. Greasy elevator button. Downstairs lobby. Greet the janitor. He’s up earlier. When I open the gym, one person is already on the bike. I start the treadmill at speed 2. Don’t worry, it gets faster.

I had a funny dream. I reunited with a Summertime madness. We had been goofing around in the kitchen post sunset staring at some castles of red bricks and cuddling. We’d been hugging and joking around in the kitchen after sunset, marveling at some red brick castles. On his Instagram account, he posted a video of me calling my parents. In the instagram story, I was wearing pretty terrible dark gold eye and lip makeup. It almost resembled a 5 o’clock shave. We brushed our teeth and went to bed. Then I opened a room. His mom and aunts and cousins were all there. His mom was folding laundry and telling me that the guy had just turned 18(I am 23 in real life and this dream) and that I shouldn’t be with him. She was folding his underwear. He seemed upset. Only if this had been the case in real life. I would have laughed it off.

When his mother asked me why I liked him, and I could tell her why. He didn’t try to impress me since he didn’t have to. To be honest, he was a bit dull, but when you’re in love, you adore them in every way. Even when Nietzsche and lifespan are discussed. I wanted to become more like him. I still remember watching his childish smile going down the slope at Dick’s Sporting goods parking lot after fixing flat tires of a bike. Doing his uncle’s errands with him was a dream. Ah, so dumb, haha.

Last night I finished the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind. Rethinking about the importance of emotions. People are not meant to be robots on autopilot, after all. Love is accepting the whole package, not just the exterior. What’s inside the castle? Is it as you dreamed? Is it as grand as you expected?

My emotions cleared up a bit with the sweat. Practicing some type of self-care on a regular basis monitors your emotional state and helps you stay motivated. There’s needs to be an app that checks the emotional balance besides the bank balance.

I thought of times when I was not lost, but just having fun, being myself. I remembered going on adventures with an old camera even when I didn’t have a car and was working 12-hour shifts as a waitress. I like to find appreciation in things and create stories. Just in time, my dad called me. I asked my parents to have my camera shipped to me so that I could resume photography. I will start with one weekend adventure and work my way up to making my own blog photos.

There’s always something fun to do every day, and one good picture to come out as a result. I could call this my passion, even. I’m gradually establishing my persona. It’s a long-term project. The only way is to see fun and meaning for the long journey to come ahead. Little by little every day. A model(workout, diet, hair and skincare, mental well-being)in the AI industry who is artsy and hilarious. A goal to strive for.



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