40/100 Almost, Barely, Clearly

I almost made a new friend this morning. She was locked out of her and her friend’s Airbnb room. She is from LA and does copywriting. Tried acting and majored in English and something else. They are going to visit the Fisherman’s Wharf and Citylights Booksellers. I recommended Little Italy and when they mentioned Botanical Gardens, to go early and see the city later at night. I also recommended to look into meetup groups and get hot chocolate at Ghiradelli Square.

I felt as if I was talking too much, so I stopped. I need to tell myself this. I am confirming what I want to do if I were the tourist, what would be optimal in my opinion. I even said that I don’t like computer science, that I always wanted to do film. The funny thing is, I just said no to a movie date because I have work to do on a website. I am doing what I don’t like and then talk about feeling lost and confused.

If there was someone who could see what I am really doing, they might slap me in the face and hand me a mirror.

Actually, I need to make myself do that.

I’m almost making my own life miserable, barely keeping up with what I signed up for and clearly missing the important point.

So,

now what?

Well,

I guess I go to the movies,

take photos at the garden,

go to the library,

go to the gym,

and then tell myself that I feel lost.

Only then.

Do what you enjoy doing everyday.

The world is throwing blessings and I am slapping them away as I try to swim in the mud of despise, telling myself that I MUST do what I am SUPPOSED to do.