35/100 February Begins

Happy 2022!

02012022…maybe not as fun as 02022022.. what is it in binary?

0010001010001010…wow.. I must have so much time on my hands

Today, I celebrate the first day of actually having time after work. Well, there’s still a lot on my queue on the list of ‘to-dos,’ but I have finally “warmed up.”

The broken car got fixed, paperwork has been filled, and my routine has been set. I have a go-to snack and a set bed time. I know my limits, how many hours of sleep I need, know how much I want to make and spend, what my caloric limit is..etc…without having to worry about anything or anyone but myself. A weird feeling.

The goals that seemed to be far are now in the past, and the skills that first stressed me out are now just clockwork. Such is driving around in the city, with the parking ticket people chasing you. They actually don’t really care. No one really cares, people are too busy with their own lives.

Walking back to the gym, after realizing that I have become who I wanted to be two months back, I had now been set free. Freedom was now walking right besides me.

Just few years back, no, actually one year back, the most significant milestones of my life was centered around graduation and financial independence. I felt as an outsider scrolling through social media, seeing people with normal jobs and talking about their 20s.

Fast forward today, as I look from inside out of the 20s ring, I am too calm to celebrate this milestone.

Now what? What comes after this? What do people do after this?

I had dreamed of this time when I would be “free.” All the time to myself. According to two months ago, in this time I could do SO many things.

Well, guess what? Doing things actually requires energy and a company. And planning, even. Having fun is something really difficult, something that must be created. Given the time and money to spend, is this why retired people start volunteering again?

People usually start learning new skills, meet new friends, go somewhere to explore, meet old friends, pick a hobby..etc

Oh by the way, happy Chinese/Korean New Year.

What do I do now? I mean, I don’t really feel like doing anything, should I be doing something? I plan to go to the library tomorrow and read all the books I missed out on. Hmm..this is a different kind of existential crisis I am having. After one day of stabilizing, I am very confused. There’s no problem or worries, and it’s becoming a problem. There’s no spice, either. There’s nothing to do, except what’s possible. Things are possible. Manageable. I’m not bored, or complaining. It’s just that the soup is bland. I have tried other dishes on the menu, but I already know the taste. Such is traveling. Going out. As you age, less things become fun.

Do I call mom? What do I even say? Do I join a comedy gig? Get a palm reading? Start a Youtube channel? Pick a place on the map and go? Just go to a random coffee shop and stare at people? Bake pie? Start a food truck?

I was going to write that historical fiction book…maybe I should go do some history research and just start writing. 1000 words.

And yes, I have to stay on top of my gym game, which is only humanly possible with a lot of caffeine. I thought that working and working out was impossible to manage, but now I feel as if I could pick up more things. Well, I take it back. Today was just one of those productive days. I know some days will be harder. Being the dramatic person I am, I may be triggered to drop everything and leave if something pops up.

I know that the best things happen just randomly, so maybe I will just do really random things that I would never do.

New Year’s resolution:

Do one random thing everyday.

This is gonna be really hard.

Things are only hard at first. For now, this will do. Tomorrow, I will pick a random history book and write a random story.

This feels nice. Something new on the schedule. Something unknown, the results unexpected, giving a little excitement. Planning what to be surprised by… such a Bay Area thing to do, haha.

Oh, there was this quote on a sticker I saw while driving:

“too dumb for NYC and too ugly for LA.”

Well, at least money was out of the question?

What’s a good dumpling place in SF?

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Ahyeon Cho

Ahyeon Cho

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