32/100 Fire and Flood

Today was a tough day. I still fought, and found ways to solve them. Realize my place, and use the best of what I can control.

I called a car warranty company for two hours, almost pulled my hair out, and finally got it towed. Maybe it’s the way I have calmed down lately, but everyone seems so nice. Knowing how hard everyone is trying to survive in this world makes one have a humble attitude towards life. Well, interestingly enough the tower mentioned a dancer he knew from Korea, how she would go up the pole, do a split and then a pull-up. My mom and I listened, but she did not get the “dancer” reference. Oh, dear.

We walked Thor along the park, but because of the muggy weather he did not play much. My mom managed to get his poop all over herself, but she is blind to love, I guess.

I got to reflect my life in the past year clearing off the string of carelessness and sporadic decisions. I also managed to complete most of what MUST be done before Christmas. The end of year rush. I ended up crying..my period must be coming or something. But then, people were kind to me today. More than what I deserve.

A lot was done today. The only thing I wish I had done was go to the gym, but at least I did not eat junk food. My back and wrists are sore from…working, actually. I can go to bed knowing that I deserve to sleep well. I must plan for another day of work.

It was a day of rain. I liked one delivery on Door Dash where I got to deliver 40 live crickets from Petsmart. I also signed up for classes this coming Spring semester, as an over-aged junior. I am going to feel very old going to this campus with kids born well after my younger brother. I still want to earn my way through life. No more excuses. See it through. I just have more experience, and hopefully I can serve as a good peer to students when I return. If I could use my “experience” to help them, as I have received help until now.

I went to the groceries with my mom and told her where she can find digestives, the whole grain biscuits, in aisle 3. It’s where international foods are. We got snacks for Thor and decided not to get ice cream. Korean women are always dieting…but then there’s rice, so it’s kind of hard. Her blood pressure and cholesterol are high.

She told me about her college days, how all of her siblings called her spoiled in their terms. How her pride hurt her in the end. I learned from the reaction of my father today that sometimes, parents were once somebody’s kids, too. And they still can be, just were fighting everyday to provide for us. Now the time is coming for me to release some of their burden. Understand when they cannot understand, if they make mistakes or say something ignorant. That’s what you should do when you love someone. Understand. Just silently share their burden and hold them near.

I finally was able to get in the right mindset to write today. It’s past midnight, and I am laying on the couch typing away. Tomorrow, I have a legal translation gig as well as many calls to make with lawyers. Lawyers, too exist to be mediators between the system and the person. All the rooms for mistakes and conscience. The navigation of using what’s out there, and most importantly, having the good at heart to help. To manage chaos.

I have learned from my parents, lawyers, account managers, Salvation Army volunteer, the insurance agent, the cashier, the towing guy, the doctor over the phone, all who say thank you when I send ETA on Doordash, the engineer who designed the car, the waste management team, the people who were involved for the food on the table to be present, this home I have now, not having COVID, Pam the mail delivery woman,the people fighting to cure COVID, and every one who have offered their hand and time today that they, too have been through many hardships, but they still fight every day to make someone else’s life a bit more manageable. The chain of invisible hands that makes this world still a good enough reason to work harder to give back. The attitude and the kindness of heart that goes beyond what is given or asked. This is my silver lining.

Happy Monday (well, Tuesday now) and here’s to a great holidays.